More Monday Memories

Took a stoll down memory lane today and this is what I found....









It's been interesting to see how my face has slowly started to change.

Need help tracking your nutrition?

Along with tracking my points on Weight Watchers I've started using SparkPeople to track my calories, carbs, protein, fat, fiber and saturated fats. It also gives you a fitness tracker which also gives you great workout options. And, the best part - IT'S FREE!!!!

Bonus - it's been approved by the Chadwick. When you get started on SparkPeople come look for me on my sparkpage.

2:30 am

I took a nap late in the afternoon. At 12:30 am I made myself go to bed. Needless to say I couldn't sleep and later found myself reading up on some of my fellow blogger's sites. I was inspired to re-re-redo my page layout. As you've noticed I like to change it up a bit. I couldn't decide so this is what I've settled with for now. Hope you like it. It sorta makes me feel like I'm in the middle of a deck of cards, doesn't it?

A few things I've learned in the last week:
Prayer, is (and will always be) worth doing. Put forth the effort to lay down your mental chaos and push through the madness until you get in the "zone".

A good friendship is worth fighting for - even when it means putting yourself out there and maybe getting rejected.

Sleep is so necessary for my sanity.

I've swelled in pride and have been deflated in humility all at the same time.

Sometimes certain parts of your life are worth letting go, even when it hurts.

Hebrews 11:1 says "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (note to self: Marcy, don't be afraid to hope.)

One last insight to the things learned this week: Pride leads to miscommunication. Miscommunication leads to confusion. Confusion leads to insecurity. Insecurity leads to pride. When does the cycle end? Well, it ends when the Holy Spirit is finally able to bring conviction. Conviction, when accompanied by obedience will inevitably bring humility. And, we all know the wonders that humility can bring. Thank you, my friend (you know who you are), for walking with me despite my crappy attitude.

I'm finally getting sleepy. I think I'll finally listen to my body and hit the hay. Yeah, brilliant idea...I'm going to bed. Adios y Buenas Noches. <--- I bet y'all didn't know I had mad Spanish skills, huh? :) What can I say, I'm cool like that. Actually, I can't write Spanish worth a flip but I can speak the heck out of it! Thanks, Mom!

Here's a picture taken from this last summer during our AWOL Retreat. While most of us found a place to nap a few sneaky sneaks went around taking pictures!

It's 3am! Why am I still awake! Seriously!!

BodyPump

I was on my own Thursday night so I decided to take BodyPump. Here’s a little something about the class.

BODYPUMP™ is the original barbell class that strengthens your entire body. This 60-minute workout challenges all your major muscle groups by using the best weight-room exercises like squats, presses, lifts and curls. Great music, awesome instructors and your choice of weight inspire you to get the results you came for – and fast!

A few weeks ago Eric, the North Lakes manager, came up to me and said “hey when are you and Michael going to take my BodyPump class?” I hadn’t ever considered it so I asked Sir Chadwick what he thought. To my surprise he was didn’t think it would be a bad idea and was game for taking it. 3 weeks later we still hadn’t taken the class… So, as I walked into the gym yesterday I decided “what the heck. I’m here; Eric’s invited me, I’m curious, why not take advantage of a free class, right?”

I had 5 minutes to change before the class started so I quickly set to work. Ever notice how one makes the dumbest mistakes in the middle of a rushed panic? Why do we do that?!?! Imagine this: Me + a small bathroom stall + the stress of knowing that I had less than 5 minutes before a new class = scrambling to get in and out of clothes, trying to tie my shoe laces while stuffing my heels into my bag then suddenly falling forward (HEAD FIRST) into the stall door! How’s that for clumsy?!

So, I made it to class on time. The instructor, who surprisingly wasn’t Eric, instantly lit up the second she saw me. She even knew my name! I had seen her a few times at the gym but never had the nerve to introduce myself (She’s one of those beautiful beauties). It was really nice of her to notice that it was my first visit. She quickly jumped to my aid and started to grab equipment for me. Equipment included: a “stepper”, a bar bell, several sets of weights, a clip to hold my weights in place, and a mat.

The class was pretty packed and as we weaved in and out of rows of people she turns over her shoulder and says “this class should be a piece of cake for you. I’ve seen the way Michael trains you. He’s pretty hardcore.” I just smiled in return and was pleased that she sounded so confident that I’d be able to keep up. Seriously, what a compliment for both myself and Sir Chadwick!! In all honesty I never knew they were watching. On one occasion Eric came up to us at the gym and started making small talk but I was in the zone and currently being ripped to pieces in the middle some crazy core set and didn’t have the energy to muster a smile. Eric and Sir Chadwick looked pleasantly amused and just laughed with each other at ME! I guess that was trainer to trainer humor…. Blah on them!

Overall the class was good. I think it’ll be better once I get the weight portions down. I under estimated my strength and mid class realized that I didn’t get nearly enough weights. I was beginning to wonder why I wasn’t sweating or feeling anything. The instructor kept a great pace. The class moved from exercise to exercise with 5-10 seconds of rest between each set. I did notice that she LOVED working on the glutes. I don’t think I’ve never done as many lunges at one time. And, I can’t say that I’m a fan of the lunge.

I do have to confess that this little baby bit of pride welled up in my heart when I thought what BodyPump would look like if Sir Chadwick was leading it! I can wholeheartedly guarantee that most people would’ve been able to walk the next day! Did I ever tell y’all about the time that Sir Chadwick busted me up so badly in the gym that when I got in my car the next morning I could hardly reach to put my foot on the clutch let alone extend my right arm to shift into 1st?! If it hurt that bad getting to 1st I knew that 5th was going to be a _____ (let’s just say that getting to 5th that day was “interesting”.

One, last note - It wasn’t until I stood side by side other “gymers” that I got a glimpse of how far God had brought me. 8 months ago I would’ve been riddled with self consciousness to even step foot in the gym. Now, I actually enjoy walking in there.

Blah....

No reason for posting. Just feeling blah. I'll be working out tonight but not sure if Sir Chadwick will be there. So, somewhere between now and then I've gotta prepare a workout. I basically know what I'd like to tackle but before I get in the gym I'd like to have an official game plan. Decisions. Decisions.

I recently met someone (Paula) who suggested I start keeping a training journal. Does anyone currently keep one? What does it look like? How does it work best for you?

View from the walk...

Took another walk during lunch. I was sad to see the my little baby mini horse wasn't around for a photo opp. Next time!
Instead, check these out! I feel so blessed to be able to walk durin my lunch hour in such a beautiful location.
Aren't they just so cute?

 

What a stud!

 

Walking Stat(s) 3 Miles in 66 minutes + a few photos

Blue Ribbon

A few months ago our small group began walking through Believing God by Beth Moore. I can't even tell you how wonderfully hard this study has been. Some of you have asked about the blue ribbon tied around my right wrist. This is why I wear it...

Tassels on Garments
37The LORD said to Moses, 38"Speak to the people of Israel, and tell them to make tassels on the corners of their garments throughout their generations, and to put a cord of blue on the tassel of each corner. 39And it shall be a tassel for you to look at and remember all the commandments of the LORD, to do them not to follow after your own heart and your own eyes, which you are inclined to whore after. 40So you shall remember and do all my commandments, and be holy to your God. 41 I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your God: I am the LORD your God." Numbers 15:37-41

I remember reading these verses and my initial response... "Ouch!" And a particularly painful ouch went out after reading "which you are incl inced to whore after." Really? whore after? I thought it would've been so much less painful had He chosen a different word so I went to the NIV. Nope, it still hurt - he used the word prostitute. There's no getting way from my whorish heart. Unlike a prostitute I give my heart, mind, eyes, ears and affections away....for free.

After digesting those first few verses I began to notice verse 41. I wondered why God continually made reference to himself as being our God. "I am the LORD your God, ....to be your God" and again with the last part of 41 when he repeats "I am the LORD your God." It's been several weeks since I've thought about these verses and it seems that God hasn't forgotten what he began to stir in my heart when he caused me to notice something one would think is so obvious and simple. At times I'm a little slow in the head (OK, most of the time!).

A few nights ago I began to remember these words. I opened my bible and found Numbers 15. It was then that I began to understand. I closed my eyes and could almost see God saying "Marcy, I am YOUR God. I, YOUR God, brought you out and continue to pull away from your Egypt." Then I felt much like a child would when a parent is trying to get their attention by placing their loving hands on the child's shoulders and leaning down to their eye level to reinforce understanding...God uttered to my heart "I am the Lord YOUR God, not your friends, not your family, not Sir Chadwick, not your will, nor your desires. I am the LORD your God. There will be none before me."

Memories on Monday - wow, two posts in one day!

While looking through some pictures I came across these photos. They made me smile and so I decided I wanted to share. Taken last June before Transform in Denton.

 

 

 

 

Lunch?

During my unofficial lunch break one of the guys in the office drove me out a few miles from our country office in Aubrey. It was nice to set up my iPod, adjust my ponytail, retie my laces, brace myself against the slight chill of the wind and bask in the glorious Texas sunshine. I loved walking past all the livestock. I especially loved when this little "mini horse" gave me this "what the..." kinda look. He was so cute. I wondered what he was thinking because he stared at me the entire time I walked past his domain. I'll get a picture of him the next time.

I feel like I made good time - almost 2 miles in 30 minutes.

Don't you just love it when you put your iPod to shuffle and the most perfect music combination hits your ears! I like to think when my iPod's on shuffle it gives God an opportunity to pick what music He feels like playing for me or have me focus on. #2 song on the shuffle - Don't Give up Now by Everclear.

Coincidence? I think not.

Augmented Feedback

*Huge Exhale* Sir Chadwick and I have been at minor odds lately. I know he's pushing me toward independence and my natural reaction when pushed away is to cut and run. Running away emotionally is usually a means for self-preservation. It's easier to pretend to not need someone and hobble around on crutches than to ask for help. God practically had to beat me down on one particular Sunday before I worked up the guts and surrendered my pride and approached Sir Chadwick. And now that God has begun to prepare my heart to possibly one day walk alone I think my natural reaction again is to cut and run. Waiting for God to answer all my questions is hard. I don't know when Sir Chadwick and I will have our last workout together. I feel like I don't know how to workout right now. I feel lost and almost naked. I'm out of my comfort zone. I need structure. I need stability. I need to know the next move before it happens. So, now that Sir Chadwick is stepping back I almost feel abandoned. Yet, I know I'm not.
This last Saturday we got to the gym and began our normal routine. When the stretching portion was almost finished he informs me that I will be leading the workout and that he was going to sit back and observe. My first reaction: Instant panic sets in because I wasn't "prepared" to lead my own workout. I hadn't researched which exercises I was going to tackle for each body group we were going to target. My second reaction: Feedback. I needed answers. I needed to know basic information like which exercises, how many sets, how many reps, how long between each rep. Third reaction: Irritation. When I began to bombard Sir Chadwick with questions he simply sat back, smiled and shrugged. On occasion he'd answer with "I don't know...can you?" or "what do you think?"
I understand that he's trying to make me more self reliant in the gym but when I asked him for direction and his responded that way I just want to put him in a headlock! We actually survived that workout. I was a bit frazzled and confused and felt totally unprepared but we made it. barely....
Later, he enlightens me by telling me that he's training me through a process called augmented feedback. He did explain the method to his latest madness and it was hard to swallow initially. But, after researching and reading the following article I think I have a better understanding. Here's a small blurb:

A Guidance Role for Augmented Feedback
Collectively, these findings have been interpreted by Schmidt as evidence in support of a guidance role (or augmented feedback. Although augmented feedback can be useful under the right circumstances, providing augmented feedback can be detrimental to learning under other conditions. In general, these conditions occur (a) when augmented feedback is necessary for learning to occur and (b) when augmented feedback is presented such that it guides the learner toward certain corrective actions. In these cases, the learner becomes too reliant upon the augmented feedback to correct movement errors. For example, the provision of instantaneous feedback during practice tends to detract the learner from interpreting intrinsic sources of feedback, such as vision and proprioception. Schmidt suggests that it is these sources of feedback that one must learn to interpret since they will always be available to the learner. Augmented feedback (such as the feedback received from a teacher) will not always be available (e.g., during a game). Indeed, the goal in most learning situations is for the learner to become independent of the teacher. Learning to rely upon the information provided by these people will ultimately be detrimental to achieving independence.

Ok, so I sorta understand what's happening. After reading this article it reminded me of what I learned and prayed this morning.

This is a portion from today's journal entry:
Mike is trying a new system called Augmented Feedback. I don't understand it, I'm confused, and I don't think he's relaying it in a way that helps me "get it". Father, but even in his fumbling (in our fumbling through this) I get a small glimpse of you. You don't always give us instant feedback. In fact, sometimes you're silent. Sometimes your silence goes on for much longer than I can stand. It isn't until the lesson is learned that I understand the purpose of your silence through my endless quest for answers. Help me to be still, be very still, and know that you are God. You answers come in your time - according to your plan. So, until that time I wait...

Random Post

Here's a little bit of this and that of my last couple days. Enjoy! and please comment! I love comments!

I had dinner with my sister a few nights ago. While chit chatting about life she looks up and say “Hey, have you talked to David?” (David’s our other sister…errr I mean BROTHER!! LOL) I said “no, not today. Why?” She starts laughing and tells me to call him. I wanted to know what was so funny. I pick up my phone and call him. So, Margarita says “ask him to tell you the story that Grandma Kelly shared with him about the time that dad told her he wanted to marry mom”. So, I asked David to tell me the story. He chuckled and agreed (but only after I begged him to tell him). Jerk-face, Davin! The story goes a little something like this: When my dad went to my grandmother and told her that he wanted to marry my mom, she said to him “What? You want to marry, Maty? She hardly speaks English! And, Charlie, YOU DON’T SPEAK SPANISH! How are y’all going to communicate!!?” My dad, operating the infinite wisdom of an 18 year old says “Mom! We can use body language!!!” Well, I’m not sure how well there communication skills worked in the beginning but let me just tell you that they were married in April of 1977 and I was born October of 1977. Body Language! I still can’t believe he said that! Actually, yes I can. My dad is sick in the head sometimes. Dirty Bird!!!!!!

I did another step class (alone this time because Dane & my sister flaked!! I’ll forgive y’all one day…  ) and it was fun. I kept up with most of the class. The routine was new and fresh and I enjoyed the music. Oh, my sister knows the instructor – go figure. While setting up my equipment (alone!) I heard the instructor say “where’s your sister?” I proceed to look around the gym wondering who she’s talking to. I hear her laugh then say “yes, you. Where’s your sister today?” I just about died when the entire class turned around to look at me (remember I’m on the back row). So, I calmly say “I don’t know but I’m sure she’s at home….Being a total slacker!” The class laughed but the instructor only gave me a half smile. THANKS MARGARITA because of YOU I got called out!!!!

Still praying about workouts and still don’t know how God will have Sir Chadwick and I move. Do we continue working out together? If we do, then how many times a week or a month do we get together? If we don’t then how do I trust that God’s plan is better…if this is His plan. Is it? I don’t know. I don’t have any clarity right now. I don’t know the right answer. I do know however that I continue to struggle with depending on Sir Chadwick. Please, be faithful to pray during this time. Pray that every decision made will honor our God and bring glory to his will.


Wednesday night I had the opportunity to witness a God Spot. A God spot is one of those moments that make you stop in your tracks. It’s an undeniable movement of God that catches your attention in a profound way. So, Wednesday night I was stopped clear my tracks…. A friend who once said to me “I don’t know why you waste your time reading that Bible. It’s so full of crap! You know it was written by men, right?! “ who also said “you were so much more fun before you changed and became all religious” who also blamed the fact that were no longer in a relationship because I had “changed and become a bible thumper”… Well, that same friend came over Wednesday night to watch movies and chill with my sister and I, mid movie he falls asleep on the couch much like he always has, the movie ends – we assume he’ll stay the night so gather a comforter and sheets for him to use. After we think he’s settled she and I both head off to rooms for the end of the night routines. While brushing my teeth I thought I heard the front door open and shut but wasn’t sure. I finish up my bedtime stuff (it’s now about midnight) and head out of my bedroom to turn off lights and grab a drink of water. Just as I opened my bedroom door it was then that I was literally stopped in my tracks. I found him laying on the door under a lamp….reading the Bible. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything at all. I just stared for a few seconds. He never turned around and I never said a word. When I finally got my feet to moving I just turned back around and went straight to my bed and laid there in silence. Thank you, God. Thank you for doing what at one time seemed impossible. I later found out from my sister that he woke up and went straight to his car and grabbed HIS Bible. My mom had given him a bible a few years ago, which he nicely placed on one of his shelves and never opened. She also told me he’s been reading it for sometime now. That was God. Only God could’ve changed his heart. Only God could’ve softened his heart to pull that bible off that shelf. Only God….

Today....

I weigh 311.2 lbs

Weekly Weight Loss: 2.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 60.8 lbs!!!!
Starting Weight: 372.2 lbs

How bout them apples?! :)

Step Aerobics

After work two of my favorite people in the whole world (Margarita & Dane) decided to brave a step aerobics class with me. And, let me just start off by saying that I laughed soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stinkin’ hard!!!

I do have to admit that I had a small (very small) advantage. Two weeks ago I decided to brave this class alone and let me tell you it was a challenge. I thought the music was fun and the steps seemed manageable – after one figured out the routine and lingo of course. So, back to last night… we get into the gym begin to set up our equipment (step platforms, mats, and free weights), we find our spots (in the BACK!!) and I begin to stretch. Oh, and the line up goes as follows: from left to right – Margarita, Dane and myself. I didn’t want to seem bossy so I didn’t mention to the girls that they might want to consider stretching so I didn’t say anything, instead I get on the floor and stretch – they then proceed to razz me about my stretching poses!! I look over at my sister to see her on the floor with both of her little legs spread out in front of her in a V. And, in mock motion she was pretending to reach for her toes. I just laughed and kept on stretching because I knew I’d be hurting otherwise.

Class begins with marching in place. I look over at the girls and they’re doing it just fine. As the warm up progressed the instructor begins to lead each motion with a phrase like “left or right facing” which means step up with your left or right leg. Pretty simple, huh? She then adds something called an “L” which means you step up with your right foot and step off the LEFT corner with your left foot – repeating these motions off of each side. As to be expected both the lingo and steps begin to become more and more complicated as the music and the tempo begin to pick up pace. I don’t want to bore you with each step detail but just know that during part of the routine we had to step up and then step over the platform causing the entire class to then face the back row (that being the three of US)!! It was then that I just about when I lost it! The entire class was now flipped around and both Dane & Mita were like two deer caught in the headlights! And I just about fell out of my skin with laughter when I looked over at see them both paralyzed in embarrassment!!! They just stood there looking at each other with no clue what to do while the class proceeded to step up and round the corners of the platform only to end up facing the front of the class once again. I should’ve felt bad but I thought it was too funny!! I’m still laughing as I write this. To my sister’s credit she did march in place and watched the routine closely. Dane however kept giving me “ojo” (the evil eye).

Somewhere in the middle of a transition the instructor breaks the group up for a quick break. It was then that I walked back to the wall where I left my things and began to guzzle my beloved water. In the middle of mouth full of water Dane walks over to me and says “I don’t like you! I want to go home, right now!!” I don’t know what happened but instantly this laugh erupts from within me causing me to spit up my water all over the floor!!! Dane just steps back then says “uh uh!! No! I can’t believe she ….” That’s all I could hear as she walked toward my sister. I was so embarrassed but I couldn’t stop laughing. I cleaned up my mess and started to talk but just couldn’t get any words out past the laughter. I start to drink more water when I heard Dane say to Margarita “I’m about to push open those emergency exit doors and go home!” AGAIN! With a mouth full of water I spit up but this time it got all over her right leg! Needless to say she wasn’t happy. I swear I don’t know what was wrong with me but I couldn’t no matter what I did stop laughing!! Somehow I regain my composure and was able to finish up the class.

Dane swears she won’t be joining me for that class ever again! I’m hoping to convince her otherwise! Good times! Great laughs! I love you, girlies!!

Here’s an impressive step video:


Now this video is more familiar!!!!

The view from down here...

Did you know that I hurt my back last week? I was barely able to work or walk on Wednesday and Thursday. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. As crazy as it sounds walking really helps loosen my tight lower back muscles.

Workouts have been mild in comparison to other weeks but nonetheless I still workout and I still get to break a sweat. It’s amazing how creative Sir Chadwick can be with new exercises. It'll be nice to have a healthy back again. I didn't weigh in this past Saturday so as far as I know I'm still at 58.2 lbs. We'll see how this next week goes.

In case you’re curious about our workouts…this is what I get to see on a weekly basis. Could this be one of the reasons why it’s hard to quit? Ummmmmm, yeah! I don’t think quitting is even in Sir Chadwick’s vocabulary.

If it was up to me I would’ve quit before it even started....It's amazing how God orchestrates every part of the freedom He pushes us through.
Thanks for stopping by!

Southern Winter!

House/Petsitting on a snowy day. Sweetness!

 

 

 

 

A+B = ????

A+B doesn’t always equal C neither does 1+2 always equal 3, at least not according to God’s standards. Sir Chadwick and I both reached a low point a few weeks ago. We couldn’t understand why after working out as hard as we were working and striving for optimal nutrition why I wasn’t losing any weight but rather camping out on a weight loss plateau. I mean, I was losing weight but it was small weight doses like 0.8, 0.2, 0.4 and I missed the glory days of an 8 lbs weight loss week. I missed eating more carbs and still losing weight. I missed not having to work as hard and STILL losing weight. It seems lately that the harder I/we worked the less weight was being lost.

On a particularly hard weekend workout Sir Chadwick and I came to a head to head…with God. In the history of going to battle against God we all know how that story ends. We didn’t win. We never win! Looking back on that particular afternoon I could see God pulling and stretching at our hearts to understand this one precious lesson….. it’s NOT ABOUT US OR ABOUT OUR PLAN – BUT ALL THIS EFFORT WAS AND IS FOR HIS GLORY, HIS RENOWNED, HIS PLEASURE, AND HIS NAME’S SAKE!

This small bit of truth began to sink into my heart and it began with a question. Is God more gloried when I lose 8 lbs in one week after not trying as hard or is He more gloried after months of 0.8 lbs weight loss weeks coupled with trusting him to sustain us to believe that He is still faithful even when the results are not to my liking?

As I began to think about it I remembered how easy it was to praise Him when all was going according to my plan and my desires. I then remembered how hard it was to trust him when Sir Chadwick killed me in the gym and I struggled with self control, not allowing myself that last bite or that temptation that killed the feelings of pain or doubt or anxiety. When is God most gloried? What if I never lost another pound? What if I never broke 300lbs. What if my lot in life was to work out just as hard and eat just as well for the rest of my life with absolutely no results. Would I be ok with that? Would I be ok with just glorifying God? Would I be ok if I never ever reached my ideal goal weight. Would I be ok if I looked the same forever? Would I?

I remember crying with Sir Chadwick over the phone regarding these very questions. I remember the silence that fell over the receiver when we both began to let those questions sink into the depths of our hearts.

I laid in bed that afternoon just thinking and praying. I can’t remember now what I prayed but I know that God felt so near and so sweet that entire day. I also can’t exactly remember when it happened, but either that week or maybe it was two weeks later but my heart was finally really ok. I mean really and truly ok with living a lifestyle that glorified God in the depths of my heart even if my body never met the American standard of beauty. I was really ok with never losing another pound. I was really ok….with it all. That week I didn’t count a single point and I didn’t workout as hard as I had in previous weeks. I still made wise choices….which included my beloved ice cream, light ice cream but it was still ice cream!! I still strived to please my maker in all that I did but it wasn’t according to “the plan”.

I woke up last Saturday morning and headed to weight watchers. I went in there knowing that I had no idea how I’d weigh in that week. I had no idea how many points I eaten or how many calories I burned. I felt blind and clueless but I went faithfully. As usual I asked the ladies not to tell me how I did but rather put my sicker on my card and let me be on my way. I weighed in. I tried to read their facial expressions but those poker players were good. I couldn’t tell either way how my week went based on their reactions. They handed me my card and I turned to be on my way when one of the ladies calls over my shoulder, “hey, you might wanna take a look at that card.” I looked down at the card in my hand, took a few more steps, and simply handed it over to God. I opened it.

To my utter dismay I lost 3.8lbs!!! I haven’t had a multiple pound weight loss week in weeks and weeks and weeks! I couldn’t help but smile up at God because he’s so sweet, so clever, so much in control!

I met Sir Chadwick at the gym later that afternoon. When he got there we simply chit chatted about the daily grind. I noticed that he didn’t ask how my weigh in went. I leaned over and pulled out my weight tracker and handed it to him. By the look on his face I wondered what he was thinking. When he turned the pages and found what he was looking for the laughter that escaped him was priceless! It was the laughter that succeeds surrender.

It was yet again a sweet surrender. Truly in God’s plan 1+2 doesn’t always equal 3 because if that equation was always true then our nature + our unquenchable desire to sin should always equal death..........

Total Weight Loss: 58.2 lbs

Confession

I know I’ve been a bit of a quiet blogger but I’ve had a lot on my heart and mind as of late. Where to begin? Confession.

Yes, confession seems like the right place to start. A few months ago I found myself in a panic because I prayed (rather thought) something horrifying. This sneaky little thought sorta moved across my brain, I saw it, I stared at it and I reached up and grabbed hold of it. I thought “what would happen if Sir Chadwick wasn’t here to help train me?”

Instantly I began to elevate his purpose in my life. I began to hold on tightly to him. So I prayed “God, just don’t take him away from me.” And, it was then…right then and there that I knew I was in trouble. So, my internal rebuttal: “what are you are you thinkg? Have you lost your mind! Don’t even go there! You’d be fine without him! Right! …..Right?”

I recognized that I was beginning to have a problem but I didn’t even begin to see the severity of it until last month. Long, long, long, long story short. I put Sir Chadwick on GOD’S THRONE! He became an idol. I began to believe the lie that this journey wouldn’t be possible without him.

I confessed it to a few close friends. They prayed with me and urged me to confess and seek forgiveness. I went as far as to confess it to Sir Chadwick. Being the Godly man that he is, he instantly went into action and began to slowly take himself out of the equation. Hence, the working out on my own a few times a week evolved.

Now, I fully believe that God is calling me to walk alone. I don’t know how this will pan out. There is so much that I don’t know at this point but I do know that our God is faithful. He can and will do exceedingly and abundantly well beyond our imagination. It seems that God’s word is alive yet again. He’s been silent for a bit. I received confirmation on Monday that it was time to move on when I read this:

6And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to Godmust believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him…. 8By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. 9By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land….10For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God. Hebrews 11:6-10

God is engaging me. He wants to be the one and only true God in my life. I will have to yet again learn to exercise faith and go where I’ve never desired to go before…. I don’t know where I’m going but I know that I’ll have to trust him. No eye has seen, no ear has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him, but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. *sent to me by a wise friend* In the mean time I will obey and surrender my will.

These next few weeks together with Sir Chadwick are still blurry. We’ll continue to workout together for at least the next month but training may be a bit different – we don’t know how it’ll change just yet because we’re still praying for direction.