Monday, March 10, 2008

A+B = ????

A+B doesn’t always equal C neither does 1+2 always equal 3, at least not according to God’s standards. Sir Chadwick and I both reached a low point a few weeks ago. We couldn’t understand why after working out as hard as we were working and striving for optimal nutrition why I wasn’t losing any weight but rather camping out on a weight loss plateau. I mean, I was losing weight but it was small weight doses like 0.8, 0.2, 0.4 and I missed the glory days of an 8 lbs weight loss week. I missed eating more carbs and still losing weight. I missed not having to work as hard and STILL losing weight. It seems lately that the harder I/we worked the less weight was being lost.

On a particularly hard weekend workout Sir Chadwick and I came to a head to head…with God. In the history of going to battle against God we all know how that story ends. We didn’t win. We never win! Looking back on that particular afternoon I could see God pulling and stretching at our hearts to understand this one precious lesson….. it’s NOT ABOUT US OR ABOUT OUR PLAN – BUT ALL THIS EFFORT WAS AND IS FOR HIS GLORY, HIS RENOWNED, HIS PLEASURE, AND HIS NAME’S SAKE!

This small bit of truth began to sink into my heart and it began with a question. Is God more gloried when I lose 8 lbs in one week after not trying as hard or is He more gloried after months of 0.8 lbs weight loss weeks coupled with trusting him to sustain us to believe that He is still faithful even when the results are not to my liking?

As I began to think about it I remembered how easy it was to praise Him when all was going according to my plan and my desires. I then remembered how hard it was to trust him when Sir Chadwick killed me in the gym and I struggled with self control, not allowing myself that last bite or that temptation that killed the feelings of pain or doubt or anxiety. When is God most gloried? What if I never lost another pound? What if I never broke 300lbs. What if my lot in life was to work out just as hard and eat just as well for the rest of my life with absolutely no results. Would I be ok with that? Would I be ok with just glorifying God? Would I be ok if I never ever reached my ideal goal weight. Would I be ok if I looked the same forever? Would I?

I remember crying with Sir Chadwick over the phone regarding these very questions. I remember the silence that fell over the receiver when we both began to let those questions sink into the depths of our hearts.

I laid in bed that afternoon just thinking and praying. I can’t remember now what I prayed but I know that God felt so near and so sweet that entire day. I also can’t exactly remember when it happened, but either that week or maybe it was two weeks later but my heart was finally really ok. I mean really and truly ok with living a lifestyle that glorified God in the depths of my heart even if my body never met the American standard of beauty. I was really ok with never losing another pound. I was really ok….with it all. That week I didn’t count a single point and I didn’t workout as hard as I had in previous weeks. I still made wise choices….which included my beloved ice cream, light ice cream but it was still ice cream!! I still strived to please my maker in all that I did but it wasn’t according to “the plan”.

I woke up last Saturday morning and headed to weight watchers. I went in there knowing that I had no idea how I’d weigh in that week. I had no idea how many points I eaten or how many calories I burned. I felt blind and clueless but I went faithfully. As usual I asked the ladies not to tell me how I did but rather put my sicker on my card and let me be on my way. I weighed in. I tried to read their facial expressions but those poker players were good. I couldn’t tell either way how my week went based on their reactions. They handed me my card and I turned to be on my way when one of the ladies calls over my shoulder, “hey, you might wanna take a look at that card.” I looked down at the card in my hand, took a few more steps, and simply handed it over to God. I opened it.

To my utter dismay I lost 3.8lbs!!! I haven’t had a multiple pound weight loss week in weeks and weeks and weeks! I couldn’t help but smile up at God because he’s so sweet, so clever, so much in control!

I met Sir Chadwick at the gym later that afternoon. When he got there we simply chit chatted about the daily grind. I noticed that he didn’t ask how my weigh in went. I leaned over and pulled out my weight tracker and handed it to him. By the look on his face I wondered what he was thinking. When he turned the pages and found what he was looking for the laughter that escaped him was priceless! It was the laughter that succeeds surrender.

It was yet again a sweet surrender. Truly in God’s plan 1+2 doesn’t always equal 3 because if that equation was always true then our nature + our unquenchable desire to sin should always equal death..........

Total Weight Loss: 58.2 lbs

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