Friday, May 30, 2008

Weekly Recap

Hello out there.

This week has gone relatively OK. I did workout 3-4 days but didn't once step foot in the gym. Most of my cardio was done outdoors, actually all of it was done outdoors. I'm nervous about tomorrow's weigh in.

Food was a better this week. For the most part I made better food choices but the scale will tell me exactly how I did. I'm just nnnnnervous. I still can't believe that I gained 7 lbs in two weeks. It's sorta messed with my head more than I expected. *sigh* remind me that it's not over!!

I'm thankful for it though. I mean had I gained 7 lbs in the past I probably wouldn't have even known about it nor would I have cared... I used to live my life purposeful ignorance. God says that his ppl perish for lack of knowledge...I wonder how many areas of our life that particular text covers.

My heart is better. I still feel like I carry a little residual something in my heart. Man, is sin ever so heavy. Thank you again for all your well wishes. I can't tell you how much it means to me.

I spoke with Sir Chadwick a few days ago. He asked if I needed help and my pride caused me to refuse. I'm just so afraid of needing him again. Things got so messy toward the end of us not working out together and I don't think I can afford to go there again. It was hard to realize that our working friendship was coming to an end after spending pretty much every day together for 7 months. Essentially, we broke up. :) Well, at least that's what it felt was painful, hard and confusing. I'm glad that ordeal has subsided.

I'm still waiting to see what God is going to do. He did promise to move me in a different direction (a promised land) so in the mean time pray for an extra measure of faith during this darker period of my life.

Emily Rozell send me the cutest little "something" a few weeks ago. I'm going to take a picture this weekend let y'all see it.

Oh, and on other news.... I had a hard day on Tuesday and on whim I decided to cut most of my hair off. I'll get pictures of that too! :)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Denton Runners

Denton now has a new Running Club.

Check out the blog

Events are scheduled on the blog. FYI you don't have a be a runner to join. I'll be meeting up with everyone but walking instead of running. If you're interested in walking come join me and a few of the other walkers.

Also, is anyone interested in going to Austin with me this June? There's a 5k I think would be fun to do. It's Keep Austin Weird on June 28th. I may make a fun weekend out of it so let me know if you're interested.

*thank you for all your prayers and words of encouragement. I love you all.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Fever Broke II

It's been a rough go for the last two weeks. All of it was my own doing. Just know that the devil is in the details and there are a lot of details.

Unbelief rules my life at times. A friend gently pointed out that I always have a plan B. I never noticed it before but I do always have a backup plan ready to take action in case God's plan doesn't work according to my will.

I also recognized that I seriously began to feel like God owed me. I know it's a bold statement and I also know that it's sinful/prideful. I began to think "I've been good for so long.I've worked so hard. I've fought the good fight. And, I deserve a break." I felt that because I had tried soooo hard in not falling into various temptations that I had done well and I deserved a pat on a back and a free pass to sin.

Again it was pointed out to me that the temptations I was able to fight off and the freedom that I've seen in my life were not in anyway of my own doing. It was not done by my own power, my strength nor my will but completely done through and by the Holy Spirit.

I was taking credit for what God was/is doing in my life. And, not only was I taking credit for it but I wanted to be able to sin because of it. And, it seems that the last two messages delivered at church have been almost more than I could bare. I was astonished by John's the Baptist's life, even though I'd heard and read it for myself hundreds of times before. He was obedient and his purpose in life wasn't about his own comfort or his own joy, but it was about God's plan and God's will. God was satisfied with John's life and it ended with his beheading. God was gloried. And God's plan continues to move forward through all generations, even into ours, and John the Baptist died a long long long time ago with out ever living a life of comfort or seeing all of God's promises fulfilled.

I was astonished to see how quickly I fell into my own pit of sin and how quickly my heart began to harden. None of us are immune. When our guard is let down for just a second and we begin to focus on our own agenda it's amazing how quickly the enemy comes in and begins to weave such colorful and deceitful promises. I'm thankful for tight community. I'm thankful for people that speak truth into my life. I'm thankful that I attend a church where the Word of God is poured out in a simple and unapologetic fashion. I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit that continually stirs our heart through conviction that leads to repentance.

I've always said that my weight loss (and gain) is directly attributed to my spiritual well being. Saturday's weigh in was a shocking yet expected. I gained 7 pounds in 2 weeks. The woman that weighs me in each week, Linda, made a remarkable statement. She didn't even look at me when she said it, but just made this blanket statement "Marcy, you've lost your motivation."

She couldn't have been more right.

I have fallen. But, I haven't stayed face down. This race is not over.

Friday, May 23, 2008

The Fever Broke

It's done. I've surrendered......

I'll work up the details later. Thank you all for praying. Thank God that He didn't allow me to go "there".

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Restless Part II

Wish I had an conclusion to the my last post but currently do not. I feel tempted to the point of punching someone square in the head. I'm irritated that I can't just shake it off. Went to recovery last night (Denton campus), sat alone and just brooded. I didn't want to be there. I knew I had to be there. I didn't want to get better, yet I knew that I needed to get better. Of all the topics in the world to discuss last night we covered.....temptation.

I don't want to me good. I don't want to surrender. My heart wavers between obedience and rebellion. A sweet peace falls over me in the moments when my heart turns toward God and it seems that 5 breathes later I'm defiant and completely obstinate. What is happening? I've never been in a battle so thick.

I left Recovery early. Went home, changed, and headed out the door with my keys in one hand and cell phone in the other. I had no destination so I just headed north. I almost walked clear to Northlakes (my gym). The return walk felt better, until temptation came knocking.

Monday, May 19, 2008

I am....


The struggle between my flesh and my spirit is so evident one could almost feel it on me.
I'm struggling.
Why do I want this thing that is soooo wrong? Why do I want it soooooooo badly?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Week 1

I never would've thought I'd be able to say this but I'm excited to get back to working out. Family left this early this morning. I didn't eat as much and my body has thanked me for it.

I've attached a list of my new workout routine. I'm training for a triathlon. No, I will not be competing I'll just be training for one for the next 16 weeks. There is a triathlon event in Dallas this coming October and in August the Denton Natditorium is hosting one but I'm not sure I'll be ready for either so I'm not planning on registering.

Even though tomorrow is my "off" day I'll go for a long walk. And, I'll continue to do some strength training long with this routine. AAAAAANNNNDDDDD, I'm back to counting points. I tried the "core program" from weight watchers and I didn't do very well - mostly because I tend to overeat and I haven't been diligent in watching my calories on sparkpeople. So, I'm back to old faithful...Weight Watchers and counting.

There's something to be said about working out with a trainer. I remember really trying super hard during the week because I was so afraid of disappointing him. I was more afraid of wasting his time more than disappointing him but now that his time isn't an option and we're not working out together I've noticed that I've gotten a bit lazy. I have to honestly regroup and re-evaluate why I'm working out.

So, why am I still working out? I'll have an answer for you later. Just know that over these last few months I've come the realization that food isn't the issue, it's just the symptom. I struggle with pride, idolatry, and unbelief. If you didn't get a chance to go to church this weekend I highly recommend that you podcast today's msg. God was speaking loud and clear.

I leave you with the new routine.

Monday: DAY OFF

Tuesday: Swim 20 minutes 100 meters (m) warm up (choice stroke) 8x25 m freestyle (fr) (15 seconds rest) 4x50 m (as 25 backstroke/25 freestyle with 15 seconds rest) 100 kick (grab a kickboard) 100 m warm down choice Total: 700m

Wednesday: Run/walk 20 minutes 5 min warm-up walking 4*(1 min jog, 2 min walk) 3 min warm-down walk **** when I showed my old trainer this routine he said that I'd be able to do all of it except this running portion. Well, since that particular conversation and now I'm up to jogging for a solid minute and almost up to a minute and half. sweetness!

Thursday: Bike 20 minutes 5 min warm-up spin** 5x(15 seconds fast spinning, 45 seconds recovery) 5x(15 sections hard gear/tension, 45 seconds recovery) 5 min warm-down spin ***spin is pedaling in an easy gear

Friday: Swim 25 minutes 100 m warm up choice 10x25 m fr (alternate between half of the lap fast arms, half recovery with 20 seconds rest) 2x50 m (as 25 breastroke/25 freestyle with 15 seconds rest) 3x50m (as 25 backstroke/25 freestyle with 15 seconds rest) 150 kk choice (grab a kickboard) 100 m warm down Total: 850m

Saturday: Run/walk 20 minutes 5 min warm-up walking 3x(2 min jog, 1 min walk) 2x(30 sec faster than jogging pace, 1:30min recovery walk) 2 min warm-down walk

Sunday: Bike 30 minutes 10 min warm-up spin 4x(15 seconds fast spinning, 45 seconds recovery) 4x(15 sections hard gear/tension, 45 seconds recovery) 4x(10 seconds standing, 50 seconds recovery) 8 minutes warm down spin

**This workout was taken from it's a tri-athlete training guide for total beginners.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Total Chicken

I didn't go weigh in today. I woke up late on purpose because I was too chicken to face the music.

I had another run in with a damn frog today! Only this time I didn't see him (because it was dark) and accidentally stepped on him and the sucker jumped up into my right pant leg! I won't go into the gory details but just know that I couldn't get in my car fast enough!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Eeeekkk it's tomorrow!

Sooooooooooooo, I'm a tad bit nervous about tomorrow's weigh in. I haven't eaten this much since I was home for Christmas. AND, if you'll remember my last weight gain was also last Christmas during my holiday with the parentals!

You know how some parents drive their children to drink? Well, mine drive me to eat! Ok, lame excuse, they're not that bad at all (most of the time).... I just love Infante style cookin'. We only get to eat like this maybe 2 or 3 times a year so it's all good.

I've indulged with more than my fair share of my Daddy's BBQ and my body is begging for mercy. I need to sweat it out. Earlier this week my dad asked if he could hit the gym with me. I thought it was a sweet gesture on his part. It'll be fun to get some one on one time with him. AAAANNNNNDDDD, now I can't wait to pound him! hahah!

I head to the gym with my daddy-o this afternoon. It'll be fun putting a routine together!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Post Graduation

Here's my brother David & my sister-in-law, Cheri. He was so relieved that school was finally over. For now He doesn't for see grad school in the picture...we'll see.
Some of David's close friends. Aren't they just so grown up? (L to R - Eddie, Davin & James)
Aww, my sweet Pops! My baby cousins all call him, Uncle Charlie. I just call him Dad.

Here's a picture taken closer toward the end of the night. My 2nd cousin, Dezmin (die hard Red Socks Fan) & Eddie's little baby boy, Ethan (soon to be die hard Yankee's fan). Under that blankie you'll find that Ethan's wearing a Go Yankee's onesie. My brother just about died when he saw it...(David seriously doesn't like the Yankee's and that's an under statement of a lifetime). It made for some great laughs the entire night.
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Beth Marie's with Family

My brother graduated this weekend. Before heading out to the post graduation party my extended family needed to stop by the local ice cream stop, so we hit up Beth Marie's.

This is what my Aunt ordered! She can afford to eat stuff like this. I on the other hand would've had to spend 2 hours on the treadmill if I consumed this...

More pictures to come.
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Monday, May 12, 2008

34 from 100

I lost another .2 this weekend. I'm at an even 66 lbs down. That means that I'm 34 lbs away from losing 100lbs. I still can't wrap my head around that information. Weight loss has been incredibly slow these last 3 months but I'm still in the game!

I'm also 5 lbs away from a 20% weight loss. I'll be at 301 when I reach that goal. Then I'll be 1 lb away from forever being out the 300's!

Still motivated. Still moving. Still alive!

Friday, May 9, 2008

How is it possible...

that my legs hurt more NOW than they did 5 hours ago?!?!?!


Sick Sweetness

I haven't felt this sore in such a long time. I missed it (I can't believe I just said that). Somewhere between Wednesday night's step class, my 3 miles yesterday morning and last night's all night rush gardening and hauling 25 lbs of mulch and soil my legs were worked. Oh, were they ever worked.... I can literally feel all muscles from calfs to gluts. Nice!

I've missed my achy body. I love that it's been 6 weeks that I've been working out alone and I'm loving it! 6 weeks ago I cried and moaned about God leading me in this direction. Now I can see just an itty bitty glimpse of what he was trying to push me toward. I look forward to hitting the gym alone. It's "me" time. I get to unwind, de-stress, and sweat it out.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Boys are Gross

Here's a totally non weight loss related post. It made me laugh so I wanted to share.

PS It's a well known fact that most boys, guys, men whatever you wanna call them have this strange fascination with farting. I don't get it, yet I still laugh when someone passes gas by accident. I think it's funny and totally awkward - i love awkward! Anyhow, I'm positive that a man had something to do with this video you're about to watch.

FYI Boys are gross and so am I (sometimes). I can't help myself, I think potty humor is not only disgusting but delightfully entertaining all at the same time! I don't know why....

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Something's not right...

I can feel it. Something is seriously not right these days. I've been a funk. A spiritual funk. I feel edgy. I considered making a stupid decision, even picked up the phone twice (maybe 3 times) in order to go through with making the "stupid decision". I eventually opted to text my mentor and share my struggle with her. She coincidentally (I don't really believe in coincidence by the way) called me within 5 seconds - she wasn't working that day. Strange! Not's to be expected God is funny that way, right!?

Also, I have 3 friends, count them, THREE friends who are seriously considering jumping ship. They feel as if they can't continue this race. They want to throw in the towel. They feel abandoned and forgotten so they're considering walking away from Jesus and our family.

Close girlfriends who have walked in freedom from old sin are currently found in the middle of old bondage. I tip toed on edge of that similar sin and so badly wanted to dive head first.

I came across this yesterday and felt alittle pricked.

1What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. James 4:1-3

In all honesty I wasn't comfortable reading this text. "Your passions are at war within you" - yes they are! The entire chapter is pretty much in your face. Everything written past v. 3 ISN'T "feel good reading". I suggest reading it, just do it! Better yet go to BibleGateway and read it in all the versions.
We expect the broken and lost to hurt but when the sheep who are "found" hurt, it hurts the rest of us too. For those of you who are on the brink of quitting - please don''s not worth it. Been there. Done that.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

75 Things Men Should Master

While in the process of checking my email. I noticed that Yahoo was featuring an article written in Esquire Magazine titled, 75 Things Men Should Master. Click HERE for the link.

The list is interesting and maybe useful to some men. So, I'm petitioning my female readers. I want to hear from you. What are a few things you'd like for our Godly men to master? What matters most to you in the realm of Male Skill Mastery.

I can't wait to hear your insight.

Monday, May 5, 2008

More pictures to compare

This was taken in October 2007. Here's my boy and adopted white brother, Jeff. Don't let the smile deceive you...he's not right in the head.

And, this photo was taken last night. The line up: Scott, myself and "Grindle".
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I know where I stand

My weigh in went well this week. I lost a few pounds! woohoo!! Actualy, I lost alittle over 3 lbs!!

What a difference 65.8 lbs makes! Here's one of the first pictures I took with Sir Chadwick & the second was taken last night at a going away party.

I think it's most noticeable in my face and shoulders. What do you think?
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Because of my issues last week I had to take off time from the gym. I'm ready to start hitting it again. Please, continue to pray for me...I'm sooooooooooooooo sick of food. Sick of counting. Sick of measuring. Sick! Sick! Sick! I wonder if intravenous nutrition might be something worth looking into. :)