Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Earn my Carbs?!!?

Didn't really think I had an "issue" with carbs until recently. My new trainer, Shayla, advised me that it's important to have carbs, our bodies need carbs to survive and it isn't wise to go on a no carb diet BUT in order to have carbs we must earn then. (Imagine me nodding in total agreement until this part followed by a sudden stop of the nod when she says i have to earn my carbs *in my head I'm thinking "wha'd you say Willis? Earn my carbs?!!" I'm also thinking of that famous line from my Big Fat Greek Wedding when the Aunt approaches Tula's new husband says "WHAT?!?! HE DONT EAT MEAT?!? What do you mean He. don't. eat. meat? .....It's ok, I make lamb" Anyhow, those were my internal reactions that didn't quite make it past the plesant smile on my face.

So, back to my issue with carbs. Yes. I love carbs and I didn't realize how much I do until I almost had a fit this morning because I couldn't eat any of my beloved carbs and I can't consume my carbs until AFTER I WORK OUT!!! Oh, dear, sweet Jesus...help us all because I'm not working out until after work.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Saturday Check In

I lost 1.8 lbs this week!

Current Weight: 334.4lbs
Total Weight Loss: 37.6 lbs
Weight to Goal: 29.4 lbs (which would put be back at 305lbs)

Met my new trainer last night, Shayla Ryder. Check her out here. She was recommended to me by my friend, Paula G. I'm excited about working out on a schedule again. She seems knowledgeable, patient and stern.

On the flip side - I'm nervous. I hadn't realized how much I trusted Sir Chadwick until I signed up with her last night. I trusted him with everything that was my body. I trusted that if we hit a wall he was going to offer us up in prayer. No better trust than that... I can't say I always knew where I stood with him but I did know that he knew exactly what he was doing and where we were headed. And, more so he knew the limitations of my body much better than I knew them for myself. I miss it but know I can't hang on to what once was.

As of last night, today marks the beginning of a new chapter. I cling to the knowledge that God absolutely has to be at the center of this or it isn't going to work. I don't know where my new trainer stands spiritually so it'll be interesting to see what God has planned for the both us as well as for the team that I'll be working out with.

Here's a toast to starting over!!

Rebecca P thanks for recommending your trainer! I was so happy to read your comment! I miss your laughter and spunk! When are we going to hang out?

Friday, January 16, 2009

Asian Love !!!!

I can't even begin to tell you....
This chica is golden to the core!!.... OK, most of the time! :)
It's amazing how God continually brings our paths together despite the many post college moves in and out of this beautiful country we call TEXAS!
She's been gifted with a quiet and wild soul, of which I've envied many a time.
She's as faithful as they come.
For your constant support, faithfulness, friendship and friendly "track your points!!!" texts I wouldn't have made it through this week.
Thank you my dear, Uyen.
I heart you!

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The New Year's Eve Party

You'll need to read the previous post. 
Thankfully, we brought in the new year with a Masquerade Ball. AND, I'm even more grateful that before the scary hair incident I chose a different sort of mask. 
Top Photo: L to R (Rikki Tai, Kristen, Britt, Christi, Kelsey, Myself)
Bottom Photo: Kristin & Myself
isn't she so crazy beautiful? 
Am I glad my mask covers the top of my head??? Y.E.S!!!! 
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I don't want it to look like crazy Mexican Hair...

12pm on New Years Eve I decide to get my hair cut. My stylist has been forever begging me to try highlights. I give in on the condition that it would be subtle and flattering. What i really wanted to say was "Please, don't give me crazy Mexican hair!" but I could hardly say that as she is Mexican and she does have crazy Mexican hair... I should've known better! 
I did say SUBTLE right?!?! Anyhow, I knew I was in big trouble after she washed my hair and with a full head of soaking wet hair I could so clearly and easily see a HUGE ORANGE streak right across the top of my head. 
I didnt' know what to do. She could tell that I wasn't diggin' it because she continued to say things like "wow, that looks so great!" "oh, you just wait and see how many compliments you get" "wow! isn't this so pretty?" she'd say to anyone within earshot.... I wasn't buying it. I left there and went straight to an unbiased opinion. My sister. 
My first impression of her first impression = not impressed! 
She laughed at me. Then she got mad at me for being so dumb! Even more so she was mad because we were going to a NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY!!! She made me swear that I'd never EVER try any of my hair shenanigans on her wedding day. 
Here are the results...... 



Shortly after taking this picture (documentation of my stupidity) I went back to the salon. A bit awkward walking back in there but I had to get it taken care of. She ended up adding a toner that got most of the crazy out but I'm still "off". AHHHH why did I do this to myself?!?!
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Saturday, January 10, 2009

I don't want to post this

As of this very morning at 10:44am I weigh 336.2lbs

Starting Weight: 372lbs
Biggest Loss: 66 lbs
What I've gained since I ended the Master Cleanse and left it at 305 lbs: 31.2lbs
Just in case you're wondering I'm a pound short of gaining half of what was lost....

Goal for this week:
TRACK ALL MY FOOD on weightwatchers.com
Meet with a new trainer

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Drag Blogger

What can I say? It's been a total drag being a blogger. I haven't wanted to blog for many reason. First, I've felt that my journey hasn't been worth blogging about because everything seems to be flying in the crap hole. Secondly, because of shame. Thirdly, because of ....more shame.

Ok, real number time.....
I've gained weight. A lot of weight. I can feel it on my body. I feel heavy again. Not that being my size doesn't feel heavy all the time but I can feel the added weight and how it affects my quality of life. My belly sits lower (who am I kidding?...it hangs lower over my body) my arms are becoming "un"toned and larger, my double chin seems to have a cousin now and they're living on my face!!! It's harder to cross my legs. And, all my jeans are completely uncomfortable. Last I checked I had gained about 23lbs of the 66lbs that were originally lost. I didn't weigh in last week so the number might be higher. And, as you know.... I haven't wanted to admit and least of all have I wanted to blog this and I can't believe I just did it.

I can't seem to make myself track my food on weight watchers. It's almost as if I have this inner rebellion deep within myself that refuses to do what I know will help. I also haven't been working out as I know I can. There are so many things floating in my heart at the moment I find myself having a hard time grasping any idea long enough to solidify it into this blog.

Over thanksgiving I gained 9 lbs. It must have been the oreo cheesecake I found myself unable to pull away from or maybe it was the pecan pie? Actually, it was everything coupled with no exercise. Seriously, I know it's an easy concept. Formula = Eat well + working out = weight loss (calories in - calories out). However, as believers our formula isn't so easy. God never guarantees such a formula...

I had dinner with some friends this week and one the young ladies said something that has been on my heart and mind all week. She was talking about how people often think that they need to have a "WOW" relationship with God to know that He's working and moving in their lives. She admitted that she hardly ever has those "WOW" moment but what she does know is that in her lifetime Obedience does equal blessing. *I've had to pause for a moment to continue thinking about what she said.* Obedience does equal blessing. Blessings do not always encompass more money in your bank account, health, a great looking body and a Fiiiine man at your side. His blessings are so much deeper and often much more subtle, aren't they?

So, I leave this blog feeling better. I laid it out there. The accolades have pretty much ceased and I've learned that I found more pleasure in hearing them than worshiping the one who gave me the strength to complete the task at hand. He's had to remove my idols and I've fallen and cried without them. He's still pulling and stretching and poking and I have to admit that I'm mad at Him at times. I wish He would make this walk easier. I know He can snap his fingers and this battle would be over, but I also know He's lovingly doing something powerful. Please, keep praying.