Sunday, September 28, 2008

Where I've been

This journey began 13 months ago because I was done. I was completely exhausted of total defeat and I gave up. I stopped trying.... then and only then did God move in. He took this defeated weakling and began to mold me. He used Recovery at the Village to expose my dependence on food. HE used Sir Chadwick to beat my body into submission. He used his Spirit to encourage and empower me when I felt like I couldn't keep going. And, he used an outrageous number of his children to come long side me to encourage and pray and cry and push me toward obedience and transformation.

Then Sir Chadwick and I took a sabbatical from working out together. I began to take control of "the program". I slowly began to follow the rules without checking in with the Lord. It no longer was about Him it was now about results and accolades. Then I became distracted. I was tempted. And, quietly began to unearth an ancient pit.

Needless to say - i jumped right in. Before I knew it I was completely covered in darkness and found myself far, far away from the Lord. As sin began to take over my life I returned to food. Because I knew the consequence of sin I needed to be numbed from the constant reminder that I was fading and fading fast into death. So, I ate and ate and ate. I continued to workout. I continued to follow the program I had been taught but the most important component was missing because I couldn't come before him. I tried to leave him out of the picture. I couldn't talk to Him because I was ashamed. I didn't want to offer my closed fist and I didn't want to give up what He had already taken away from me many years ago. So, I ignored him, fought him, and I kept trying to do things on my own to no avail. In the mean time I've fluctuate from 306lbs to 317.6 lbs.

For a time being I neither gained nor lost - just maintained. When sin was at it worst in my life the pounds slowly began to creep back onto my body despite how hard I worked out. It wasn't until just recently that I've truly repented. I'm done playing a game that I know I can't ever win. I'm done. I'm tired and I feel raw, vulnerable and exposed. All the things I've chased in the last 4 months have left me empty and lonely. I'm desperate for God to change my life. I'm desperate for him to either take me off this planet or change my life in such a way He becomes my one and only desire.

I simply wanted to let y'all know where I've been these last few months. I wanted to let you know where my heart was and I wanted to ask you to please continue to lift me up during this time.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


I overheard my dog messing around under the coffee table I have resting at the head of my bed. I tried to be sneaky and grabbed my camera, I slowly lowered my arm and tried to angle the camera in the general direction of where I heard him. This is what I got!! Doesn't he look so surprised?! Kinda like "what in the world is her arm doing dangling with that camera?"
I gave him a few more seconds to adjust to my arm and this is what he was really doing!!! Apparently he took a lollipop stick out the trash can and was going to town!! I like how little paws are desperately trying to hold the lolli stick in place.
Posted by Picasa

Monday, September 8, 2008

Walking Group

OK, the time has come to start a walking group. I know most of you already got the email but I wanted to open this up to all the blog lurkers as well! =) I've attached a copy of a walking schedule as well as the email that was sent out last week with all needed information...

Meeting Location and details
As division of the Denton Runners Club I'm aiding as a volunteer leader for a walking group! And You're INVITED!!! This group will walk along the following schedule (see attached). For those of you who are interested in walking with this group during the week in hopes of working up to the runners group please know that you are more than welcome to do so. Our Denton Runners are wiling and excited at the prospect of having new members and new people to work with toward wellness.

If you're interested this walking group we'll meet every Saturday Morning at 7am.
We'll meet at the Cupboard Parking Lot off of Congress and Elm st.
Our first walking group will meet Saturday, September 13th at 7am.

I need a volunteer to head the group on the 20th as I'll be out of down that weekend.

Here's my contact Info for those who need it:

Walking Schedule

All are welcome!