Confession

I know I’ve been a bit of a quiet blogger but I’ve had a lot on my heart and mind as of late. Where to begin? Confession.

Yes, confession seems like the right place to start. A few months ago I found myself in a panic because I prayed (rather thought) something horrifying. This sneaky little thought sorta moved across my brain, I saw it, I stared at it and I reached up and grabbed hold of it. I thought “what would happen if Sir Chadwick wasn’t here to help train me?”

Instantly I began to elevate his purpose in my life. I began to hold on tightly to him. So I prayed “God, just don’t take him away from me.” And, it was then…right then and there that I knew I was in trouble. So, my internal rebuttal: “what are you are you thinkg? Have you lost your mind! Don’t even go there! You’d be fine without him! Right! …..Right?”

I recognized that I was beginning to have a problem but I didn’t even begin to see the severity of it until last month. Long, long, long, long story short. I put Sir Chadwick on GOD’S THRONE! He became an idol. I began to believe the lie that this journey wouldn’t be possible without him.

I confessed it to a few close friends. They prayed with me and urged me to confess and seek forgiveness. I went as far as to confess it to Sir Chadwick. Being the Godly man that he is, he instantly went into action and began to slowly take himself out of the equation. Hence, the working out on my own a few times a week evolved.

Now, I fully believe that God is calling me to walk alone. I don’t know how this will pan out. There is so much that I don’t know at this point but I do know that our God is faithful. He can and will do exceedingly and abundantly well beyond our imagination. It seems that God’s word is alive yet again. He’s been silent for a bit. I received confirmation on Monday that it was time to move on when I read this:

6And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to Godmust believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him…. 8By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. 9By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land….10For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God. Hebrews 11:6-10

God is engaging me. He wants to be the one and only true God in my life. I will have to yet again learn to exercise faith and go where I’ve never desired to go before…. I don’t know where I’m going but I know that I’ll have to trust him. No eye has seen, no ear has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him, but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. *sent to me by a wise friend* In the mean time I will obey and surrender my will.

These next few weeks together with Sir Chadwick are still blurry. We’ll continue to workout together for at least the next month but training may be a bit different – we don’t know how it’ll change just yet because we’re still praying for direction.