Saturday, January 12, 2008

I don't understand

I worked extra hard this week. I measured everything that went into my body. I counted each point. I followed the plan. I refused temptation when it came my way and still today's weigh in was a total disappointment.

The feeling of being so incredibly close to your goal yet having it continue to stay just beyond your reach is such a painful/comforting reminder that we aren't in control. I have to confess that after getting the news that I only lost 0.8lbs this week my instant reaction was anger - directed toward God. I know it's a bold statement but it's honest. I was angry with him. I can't fully explain why....I was being a bratty punk.

Currently sitting at Panera Bread. When my food arrived at my table I sat before it for a few moments in total mental silence. I couldn't eat it yet my stomach was growling and my heart was aching for comfort, encouragement and repentence. I couldn't even eat without asking for forgiveness. The pride that so quickly wells up in my heart was subsided the instant I bowed my head in submission.

I can't run this race without Him. When I am weak He has promised to be strong. It's been a hard week in more ways that just weight loss.

Here's a text sent early this morning by my close friend/brutal accountability partner, Dane.
Hey friend! I just needed to tell you something this morning- even if by some chance you don't meet your goal weight today it's OKAY! God is still on His throne and LOVES YOU very much and it will still happen! So remember that today. Love ya

How could she have known? What would've motivated her to write such a text?

We all know the answer to that question....

All is well. As hard as it seems right now I know I won't quit. Thanks for stopping by today.


Kendra said...

Marcy ~ Hang in there! I wish I could give you answers, but I can't. You are a beautiful woman and a faithful friend.

I have a post -- The Beauty of the Lilly -- just sent it to another friend. It humbles me and reminds me of the Lord's teaching in Matthew 6.

Keep blogging!

Tracey Clifton said...

God loses alot of "Christians" to the test of dissapointment. Believe me when I say I speak from having lived through the same type of dissapointment. Your relation to pride was correct and are'nt you glad we have a great big God. His shoulders broad so as to simply frown at our petulance and take us back with a hearty laugh when the drama ends. Your friend is right. Dissapointment is a growth many "christians" can't bear. You did good Marc.