Thursday, October 9, 2008

Master Cleanse VI

I'm still sorta fasting. I had to consume fresh orange juice all day yesterday in order to prepare my digestive tract for food. Last night after work I had some broth from a vegetable soup I made the night before. My body seemed fine with accepting it but I didn't want to push it and consume more.

I waited a few more hours, ran some errands, met with a friend, continued to consume more orange juice and returned home around 9pm to find that I was still feeling fine and a little hungry. I then decided to try to try a little more broth but this time I added a few veggies (carrots, celery, cabbage, squash, zucchini). And, can I just tell you that it was the most delicious, and most satisfying soup I'd ever had! OK, I exaggerate.... but it was good!

This morning I weighed in at an even 305 lbs. I'm excited that I didn't gain. I'm excited with the prospect of finally conquering a huge milestone but I'm also a bit sad that I'm back to where I was all those months ago. I'm so close to my goal of finally getting out of the 300's yet I'm so afraid to hope for success.

It's inexplicable. I can't understand this self destruction. I do, however, understand that I began to find my worth in weight loss. I began to feel that this blog, this journey and even parts of myself were almost worthless if I wasn't losing weight. The battle is still present. I still have to believe (and struggle to understand) that God isn't more in love with a future version of me but instead loves me as I am. I know I'm not alone in this battle.....

Thanks for stopping by today.


Rebecca P said...

I am so proud of you! I admire your authenticity and vulnerability.

Anonymous said...

I just checked out your blog after Michael told me you have been on a cleanse. Oh how the Lord is blessing you! Keep the faith that God will see you through. I believe in you and your commitment to let the Lord be praised and honored.
Ann C.