Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Restless Part II

Wish I had an conclusion to the my last post but currently do not. I feel tempted to the point of punching someone square in the head. I'm irritated that I can't just shake it off. Went to recovery last night (Denton campus), sat alone and just brooded. I didn't want to be there. I knew I had to be there. I didn't want to get better, yet I knew that I needed to get better. Of all the topics in the world to discuss last night we covered.....temptation.

I don't want to me good. I don't want to surrender. My heart wavers between obedience and rebellion. A sweet peace falls over me in the moments when my heart turns toward God and it seems that 5 breathes later I'm defiant and completely obstinate. What is happening? I've never been in a battle so thick.

I left Recovery early. Went home, changed, and headed out the door with my keys in one hand and cell phone in the other. I had no destination so I just headed north. I almost walked clear to Northlakes (my gym). The return walk felt better, until temptation came knocking.

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