Should be studying....

Sooooooooooooooooo, I should be studying. It's a beautiful Texas day. The weather is perfection and I have so much work to do before Monday. Finals are next week and I really need to get my booty in gear! =) You might wonder why I'm blogging. Well, let's just say that I'm struggling right now!! I can't focus!!

This is what's on my mind.

I love the smell of fresh strawberries. I love them even more when they've stained my fingertips and I smell like strawberries! God is so cool to have made them so delicious and so pretty and RED!!

My nephew is growing like a weed. I can't stand how much I love him. here's a recent picture and by far my favorite. He's been gifted with a light heart. He's easily entertained and for the most part always smiling. I have, however, noticed that he does have a bit of the Infante temper. It's a bit humorous for the moment.
I lost 2 lbs last week! yay! current weight is 352. it's amazing how I don't even sweat giving out my weight digits. Obesity is one addiction you can't hide since we wear it daily. If i was a crack whore I may be able to get way with hiding, don't you think? lol

I've also come to terms with my body. I love being a curvy super chica. However, i wanna be a smaller version of my current super chica-ness. I dont want to be tired all the time. I wanna be able to walk and not grow weary, and i wanna be a faster triathlete! And I don't freakin' wanna worry about flying!!! I hardly talk about the whoas of obesity, but I seriously dread flying. Just the though of wedging myself into a tiny airplane seat gives me the sweats! But, it's really not even about the seat, it's about the people sitting next to me. I don't want them to be uncomfortable and i don't want to be the cause of their discomfort.

mmmmmm, what else? Work searches are going well. Nothing major to report. BTW Chrissy.... I know we don't know each other but it's still great knowing that you read this blog. i actually thought of you not long ago and smiled at your encouragement. thank you.

Pegs! why would you visit my trails? Is it because you think i'd make a mockery of our judicial system?!? LOL I'd most likely get kicked out of a courtroom for making friends with the jury. Happy Birthday!!! (again)

Here are photos of us celebrating Pegs' birthday last year!

Ok. Okaaaay!!!! I'm gonna study now!!

Audience Of One

While working on my finances today I decided to fire up iTunes for some musical distraction. Audience of One by Big Daddy Weave was the first song that popped up on my random mix.

Instantly I was transported to my tiny 441 square foot apartment in downtown Bellevue, WA. The sun was shining perfectly as it was summer time and the windows and screen door were open for ventilation. One beautiful sunshiny day makes up for all the dark and dreary days in Seattle and this particular day was one of them.

I moved there to get way. I left a fiancé behind who encouraged me to follow my dreams despite how much it hurt him to see me go. I didn't have the guts to call off my engagement. Like the coward that I was I hid behind "a career move" to the furthest point in the US from Denton, TX imaginable. I also wanted to be free. I deliberately wanted to go wild without anyone there to keep watch or hold me accountable.

When I'm in a "I don't care. I wanna do it anyway" mood I generally try to turn a blind eye to the Holy Spirit screaming with in. It's amazing how well I play spiritually deaf and blind. At this particular moment in time I wanted to be wild and free in a way that could only be fulfilled with debauchery. (How's that for honesty?)

It sorta makes me smile to think of all the instances that God totally pulled the rug out from under me while I was trying to "be bad". Don't get me wrong...he didn't spare me from all and to this day I still bare some of those scars. Anyhow, when I'm playing deaf and blind it's difficult for me to listen to music about Him. Listening to heart shredding worship makes me wanna do nothing but fall on my face and cry out before him. That reaction isn't exactly conducive to the lifestyle that I so desperately thought I wanted to live.

Get this. I moved there and for a week waited for my phone, internet and every other portal imaginable to the outside world to be set up. I couldn't use my phone because back in the day i had next to no minutes on my cell plan and by the time 9pm rolled around it was 11pm in Texas and it seemed that EVERYONE was dead asleep. I was lonely, it was too quiet and the only bit of noise that could be offered to me inside my studio was a clock radio. Oddly enough the only station that would clearly catch a signal was Spirit 105, a contemporary Christian station. haha! He's pretty dang funny, huh?

So, this song is one of those songs playing on the radio when I so badly didn't want to be hearing it. Ironic? I don't think so...Our God is pretty determined to get our attention and love him for it.

Enjoy.

I feel like writing.

Most of my writing has filled my journals as of late. My heart is torn in a million different directions. Where do I fit in? Where do I apply? Which type of position will fulfill that yearning within me to make a difference in this world? There's a position in NYC that has been calling my name for sometime now. I have to admit 2 things a) I don't have the guts to apply for it & b) I've never ever had a desire to spend anytime in NYC. :) Yet I have to wonder why I continually return to check the job posting to see if its been filled. I'm such a chicken!!

So, recently I spoke with a career counselor at TWU. It's strange to me how God reminds us of key people when we least expect it. While washing dishes one afternoon I remembered, "out of the blue", the name of a career counselor that I met back in the day. It was like that feather in Forrest Gump, her name just floated toward me. Once it registered I got online, researched her, emailed her, and she got me plugged in right away. Sweetness!!

Ok, after two sessions and one Strong Interest Inventory Profile assessment here is a list of positions are best suited for this Marcy mess! You tell me if any of these seem to fit my mold.

Drum roll please....................

1. Broadcast Journalist

2. Attorney

3. Photographer

4. Social Science Teacher

5. Public Relations Director

6. Reporter

7. College Instructor

8. Flight Attendant

9. School Administrator

10. Top Executive

I thought it was quite hilarious that these areas were occupations of dissimilar interest:

Mathematician, Physicist, CHEMIST (duh!!!!) Automobile Mechanic (yah! I really don't like being dirty!!) & Actuary.

this felt good! I've missed writing on here.

On another note. I'm working out! I've met some women around the metroplex and we're all working toward a common goal 25lbs by July 2010. I'll keep you posted

Current weight: 354 lbs (yeah...it's out there gain. you do that math!)